Joke: Shut Up I Hack You

By “Elch“; originally posted on Slashdot

In case you don’t speak German (just as this hacker), I’ve tried a little translation to English. I might have made some spelling errors, but the original spelling wasn’t perfect either. The guy really said “buy buy” in the German version.

For information:
The dangerous hacker is called bitchchecker and the one being hacked and original author of the comments, who is talking here, is known as Elch. is always the IP address of the computer you’re currently using; any request there will return to your computer.
Notice that in Germany we get Daylight Savings Time (DST) earlier than in the US.

The story starts (I’m shortcutting here) with a kid insulting everyone on the #stopHipHop IRC channel. Most people there believed it was rather funny, but it got even more funny…

* bitchchecker ( Quit (Ping timeout#)
* bitchchecker ( has joined #stopHipHop

why do you kick me
can’t you discus normally

we didn’t kick you
you had a ping timeout: * bitchchecker ( Quit (Ping timeout#)

what ping man
the timing of my pc is right
i even have dst
you banned me
amit it you son of a b*t*h

shit you’re stupid, DST^^

shut your mouth WE HAVE DST!
for two weaks already

when you start your pc there is a message from windows that DST is applied.

You’re a real computer expert
shut up i hack you

ok, i’m quiet, hope you don’t show us how good a hacker you are ^^

tell me your network number man then you’re dead
Eh, it’s
or maybe

yes exactly that’s it: I’m waiting for you great attack

in five minutes your hard drive is deleted

Now I’m frightened

shut up you’ll be gone
i have a program where i enter your ip and you’re dead
say goodbye

to whom?

to you man
buy buy

I’m shivering thinking about such great Hack0rs like you

* bitchchecker ( Quit (Ping timeout#)

What happened is clear: That guy entered his own IP address in his mighty Hack-Tool and crashed his own PC. This way, the attack on my PC was a failure.

I was already starting to think that I did not have to worry, but a good hacker never calls it a day. Two minutes later he returned.

* bitchchecker ( has joined #stopHipHop

dude be happy my pc crashed otherwise you’d be gone

bitchchecker: Then try hacking me again… I still have the same IP:

you’re so stupid man
say buy buy

ah, [Please control your cussing] off
buy buy elch

* bitchchecker ( Quit (Ping timeout#)

There was a tension in the room… Would he manage, after these two failures, to crash my PC? I waited. Nothing happened. I felt relieve…

Six minutes passed by until he prepared the next wave of attack. Being a Hacker, who usually cracks whole data centers, he knew what his problem was now.

* bitchchecker ( has joined #stopHipHop

elch you son of a b*t*h

bitchchecker how old are you?
What’s up bitchchecker?

you have a frie wal

fire wall

maybe, i don’t know
i’m 26

such behaviour with 26?
how did you find out that I have a firewall?

tststs this is not very nice missy
because your gay fire wall directed my turn off signal back to me
be a man turn that shit off

cool, didn’t know this was possible.

thn my virus destroys your pc man

are you hacking yourselves?

yes bitchchecker is trying to hack me
he bitchchecker if you’re a hacker you have to get around a firewall even i can do that

yes man i hack the elch but the sucker has a fire wall the

what firewall do you have?

and you suckers think you’re cool and don’t dare going into the internet without a fire wall

He calls me girly and says only his grandma would use a firewall. I know that elder people are much more intelligent then younger, but I couldn’t let that rest. To see whether he really is a good hacker I lie and let everything as it is. I don’t have a firewall at all, only my router.

bitchchecker, a collegue showed me how to turn the firewall off. Now you can try again
bitchhacker can’t hack

like a girl
firewall is normal a normal hacker has to be able to get past it…you girl^^

b*t*h give yourself a jackson and chill you’re letting them provoce you and give those little girls new material all the time
turn the firewall off then i send you a virus [Please control your cussing]er

he bitchchecker why turn it off, you should turn it off

you’re afraid
i don’t wanna hack like this if he hides like a girl behind a fire wall
elch turn off your shit wall!

i wanted to say something about this, do you know the definition of hacking??? if he turns of the firewall that’s an invitation and that has nothing to do with hacking

shut up

my grandma surfs with fire wall

<Black> nice play on words ^^

wort man
bitchchecker: I’m still waiting for your attack!
how many times again he is no hacker

man do you want a virus
tell me your ip and it deletes your hard drive

lol ne give it up i’m a hacker myself and i know how hackers behave and i can tell you 100.00% you’re no hacker..^^
it’s easy
lolololol you so stupid man you’ll be gone
and are the first files being deleted
i’ll take a look

In panic I started the Windows Explorer, my heart beating faster. Had I under-estimated him?

don’t need to rescue you can’t son of a b*t*h

that’s bad

elch you idiout your hard drive g: is deleted
yes, there’s nothing i can do about it
and in 20 seconds f: is gone

Yes, true, G: and F: were gone. Did I ever have them? Doesn’t matter, I did not have time to think, I was scared. bitchchecker was comforting me with a music tip.
tupac rules

elch you son of a b*t*h your f: is gone and e: too

Drive E:? Oh my god… All the games are there! And the vacation pictures! I instantly take a look. Everything still there. But the hacker said it was deleted….

Or isn’t it happening on my computer?

and d: is at 45% you idiot lolololol

why doesn’t meta say anything
he’s probably rolling on the floor laughing
<Black> ^^

your d: is gone
go on b*t*h

The guy is good: My CD-drive is allegedly deleted! Bitchchecker turned my ancient disk sucker into a burner! But how did he do this? I’ll have to ask him. Some encourage him. He himself is giving advice how to avoid the disaster on my hard drives.

elch man you’re so stupid never give your ip on the internet
i’m already at c: 30 percent

Should I tell him he’s not attacking my computer?

* bitchchecker ( Quit (Ping timeout#)

Too late… It’s 20:22 when we get the last message of our hacker with the alias “bitchchecker“. We see that he has a “Ping timeout”.

We haven’t seen him since then… must be the Daylight Saving Time.

This entry was posted in English, Joke and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Joke: Shut Up I Hack You

  1. John says:

    My IP is pls d0 n0t h4x l0l0l0lol00ol0o0lo0lo0l0ol0o0l0ol!11!1!!!111!!!!!one1!!

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